Week 207: TIED TO BE FIT


This week's contest was suggested by John Fiorini of Reston, who wins a slice of foam rubber chocolate cake distributed by Dow Chemical Co. as a promotional item to advertise diethylpropion hydrochloride, an appetite suppressant. Here is the contest: Each of the eight items above is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the following individuals: Antonin Scalia, Dolly the sheep, Madeleine Albright, Aldrich Ames, Woody Allen, and Deng Xiaoping. You make the connections. You may do one or more than one. First-prize winner gets an amazing item of clothing, donated to The Style Invitational by Tatiana Wellcom of Vienna. It arrived in the mail without explanation. It is a small article, apparently one of a kind, made of rabbit, mink and camel's hair, conforming to no known prototype of outerwear. It has a decorative furball, and a fur strap, and lovely onyx-style buttons. Several men passed it around the office trying to guess what it was ("a bonnet?" "a dickey?" "a hand muff?") and finally, an expert was summoned. Robin Givhan is a Princeton graduate who has written extensively about fashion for the San Francisco Chronicle, the Detroit Free Press and the Washington Post. She has covered runway fashion shows in Paris, Milan and New York. She took one look at this item, and knew instantly what it was. "This," she said, "is for a dog." 

Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 207, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, March 10. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Tom Witte of Gaithersburg for today's Ear No One Reads. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 204, in which we invited you to update colorful expressions.

Fourth Runner-Up -- Old expression: Dressed to kill. New expression: Got your Bruno Maglis on. (John Michael Platt, Ellicott City)

Third Runner-Up -- Old expression: Trying to get blood from a stone. New expression: Deposing Hillary. (Edward Roeder, Washington)

Second Runner-Up -- Old expression: Looking a gift horse in the mouth. New expression: Complaining that the Publishers Clearing House van is in your parking space. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

First Runner-Up -- Old expression: Robbing Peter to pay Paul. New expression: Putting the Visa bill on MasterCard. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

And the winner of the George Bush pincushion:

Old expression: AWOL. New expression: AOL. (Maja Keech, New Carrollton)

Honorable Mentions:

Old expression: Preaching to the choir.
New expression: Ranting to Dittoheads.

(Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Old expression: As American as apple pie.
New expression: As American as baba ghanouj.

(J. F. Martin, Hoover, Ala.)

Old expression: Debt of honor.
New expression: (No modern equivalent found.) (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Old expression: The chickens coming home to roost. New expression: Bruno Magli says howdy. (David Genser, Vienna)

Old expression: Mixing like oil and water.
New expression: Putting the Style Invitational in Book World. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Old expression: Living on the edge.
New expression: Dialing and driving.

(Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Old expression: Fiddling while Rome burns.
New expression: Teeing off while the jury deliberates. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

Old expression: Sounding like fingernails on a blackboard. New expression: Talkin' like the Nanny. (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

Old expression: May the Force be with you.
New expression: May the Force be with you.

(Dan Cherkis, Oakton)

Old expression: Putting all your eggs in one basket. New expression: Focusing on Richard Jewell. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Old expression: Having your cake and eating it, too.
New expression: Whatever. (Mike Weiderhold, Springfield)

Old expression: Putting your foot in your mouth. New expression: Apologizing to Albright for not sending a Hanukah card. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Old expression: In over his head.
New expression: Downloading with an abacus. (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Old expression: Seeing a man about a horse. New expression: Hopping on board the airline service cart. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Old expression: Painting the town red.
New expression: Car-pooling with Teddy.

(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Old expression: The rooster taking credit for the dawn. New expression: The State of the Union address. (Rick Meyerson, Arlington)

Old expression: Putting on airs.
New expression: Twenhafling. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

And Last:

Old expression: Catching more flies with honey than with vinegar. New expression: The Czar is a comic genius. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

Next Week: Some Pig